When I was a young married mother I was involved in Mommy and Me and Parent Ed classes at my church. I loved the camaraderie with the other mothers where we could openly discuss the trials and tribulations of young motherhood. The Parent Ed class gave a strong grounding in ways to best meet the needs of my babies who were 16 months apart. I knew the importance of a secure attachment and did my best to provide consistency, dependability and reassurance even during the tumultuous divorce.
Once I became a non-stay at home mom, I could see meeting their needs began to take a new form and it was even more important to give them as much semblance of normalcy as possible even though my life became a struggle to manage all the new responsibilities as a single parent.
I viewed myself as a democratic mother though when I look back on those days sometimes I see a bit of permissiveness that lead to enabling with my younger son who became the mesmerized video gamer. Because he was just 2 when we divorced, he did not have the secure attachment he deserved and I believe his reaction to the ever changing childcare workers and absent parents, due to long working hours, developed into a disorganized attachment where his first GameBoy at 4 years of age became his secure attachment. Today he has a hard time trusting others and forming adult relationships, though his online gaming world is full of gamer friends. Still that is not the same as real time relationships. Plus, 'peers as parents' becomes a daunting equation to correct especially in their online video gaming world.
Often times divorced parents proceed as a Disneyland type parent where we try to keep the conflict low as time with your child is limited and who wants to battle. But the battle was necessary and teaching responsibility, discipline and accountability is more important than keeping the peace. Either do it right when the window of opportunity presents or face more trouble further down the line. ~Yes since then, I have faced trouble further down the road and will share more lived experiences that I will use as warning signs for your family. Stay tuned and never look away. Education is key as you wage this war successfully against "the internet of all things and parenting"!